When I was around 12 years old I confessed to my parents that I thought I might have low esteem.
My parents just looked at me with perplexed facial expressions and said “No you don’t, you are a Christian and you have to believe what God says about you.” I know they meant well but at the time I just felt dismissed and misunderstood.
I had just recently entered high school and I was struggling to find genuine friends. I was also overweight, really shy, wore nerdy glasses, and I just felt like people didn’t get me.
There was a longing inside me for love and acceptance (here are those words again) from my parents and peers which I wasn’t receiving and that lead to having a poor self-image of myself. I know that my parents loved and cared for me and my sister but sometimes it just felt like they just didn’t know how to express that to me in a way I needed.
Anyway, I pushed myself to excel in academics and extracurricular activities and I also searched for emotional connections with males in hopes of improving my self-esteem and receiving love and acceptance.
However, I ended up placing my identity in how well I did in these areas. So whenever I failed, fell short or was rejected, I felt insecure or not good enough. This sad cycle continued throughout my teens and into my early twenties but thank God for healing!
Self-esteem as defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary is a confidence and satisfaction in oneself. It is a feeling of having respect for yourself and abilities.
Self-worth is similar, as it is a sense of one’s own value as a human being.
There are so many girls and boys and men and women around the world that are living life with low self-esteem and self-worth. As a result, many are not living out their full potential.
So how can we improve our self-esteem? How can we view ourselves in a healthy way?
There are many books, motivational speeches and videos out there about this topic but today I just want to share a few practical tips that I learnt from pastors, mentors, friends and resources that really helped me along the way. Does this work overnight? No it doesn’t. But is it possible to improve your self-esteem with time? Definitely!
Here are 8 practical tips to overcoming low self-esteem and low self-worth:
1. Make a list of 25 things that you like about yourself.
This can be harder than you think and may take a few days or even weeks but it’s worth it. N.B. It’s a great idea to keep a journal where you can write your thoughts out, the good and the bad ones.
2. Make a list of things you don’t like about yourself
So it doesn’t have to be 25 this time lol, but next to each one, write how you would like to improve in that area. Based on your resources and personality, come up with practical ways you can improve on your faults.
3. Find your personality type.
Seems like a weird tip but it really helps you to understand yourself better and therefore accept yourself for who you are. You can try different personality tests online including “16 Personalities Test” which is based on the Myers-Briggs theory or “The Enneagram Personality test.”
4. Spend time with yourself and doing things that you enjoy.
I’m an advocate for self-care. So many of us don’t spend enough time taking care of ourselves and we just live our lives to please others. We lose ourselves and our identity when we don’t find that balance between taking care of ourselves and our loved ones.
5. If you are a Christian, spend time with God and in His word.
Search out scriptures that speak about His love for you and your identity in Christ. You can even do like I did and print out those encouraging scriptures and stick them on your mirror or wall and declare them every day.
6. Find a person or persons who you can trust and share your struggles with.
It’s important to have people in your life that can encourage you, give you words of affirmation and pray with you on your journey. Also, you should protect your space from toxic and unhealthy relationships.
7. Be intentional about developing your self-esteem.
If you like to read, find books that can encourage you. Or maybe you like to listen to music, then find songs that lift your spirits. Just maybe, you like to watch videos/shows, then find YouTube channels that can motivate you. I’ll attach a few resources below that have really helped me.
8. Lastly, be patient with yourself!
I’ll tell you what a great pastor once told me…“Accept your humanness and failures. Forgive yourself. Accept yourself as you are and don’t apologize for who you are. Just be you and don’t ever stop trying!” -Pastor Bruce Polson
The truth is, every human being has a longing for love and acceptance. It’s just how God made us. But, we need to find that love and acceptance first and foremost from God and from within.
Unfortunately, many times we look for this in the wrong places. We have to grow to love ourselves and develop our self-worth before we can have healthy relationships with others and become all that we were created to be!
Yours truly,
Dr Esther J Trotman (M.B.B.S)
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.” (Psalm 139:14)
Resources
Books:
“Uninvited” by Lysa TerKeust
“Identity Crisis” by Jennifer Todd-Flora
“What on Earth Am I Here For?” By Rick Warren
“The Road Back to You” by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile
YouTube Channels:
Carrie Rad- https://www.youtube.com/user/CarrieRad
Girl and The Word- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqo-jdu6ue5Wv-oe5-PSNvQ
Jefferson Bethke- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCc4yillQaNo6a-iG2PYbbrA
TrentShelton- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkwdk8T8kJAzH7CusCv8QoA
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