“Unsure”
It seems like a small word, a small concept, but it’s magnitude can ruin lives.
What do you do when uncertainty seeps into every part of your life, every fiber of your being?
What do you do when you are literally crippled with indecision?
Kind of ironic isn’t it? That you need to make a decision about your indecision?
But that was the dilemma I was faced with at 23 years old,
When I realized that my anxiety was not “normal” or “natural”.
For me, this happened during a practical exam.
I was so anxious that my brain quite literally stopped working.
The exam was a half an hour long panic attack.
Afterwards I was devastated.
Weeks of work for nothing, because I just couldn’t function.
But it forced me to make a choice.
Was I going to continue to lie to myself and believe my family when they said that,
“I’m just a little nervous and nothing was wrong?” or that “I just need to pray and believe God better?”
Or when they said that thoughts of therapy and medication were foolishness and signs of not being a “good little Christian girl?”
Or was I finally going to listen to myself, my brain and my body crying out in anguish for help, guidance and some form of peace?
I’m happy to say that with the help of close friends that loved me, I eventually took the step to start therapy.
4 years later I’m not perfect. Panic attacks and depressive symptoms may still come.
My dad still believes psychiatry is of the devil.
I still have issues to work on.
BUT because I took that step, I am SO MUCH BETTER.
And that’s all that really matters.
Written by Antoinette E. Sealy (M.B.B.S)
If you or a loved one is struggling with anxiety or depression, I’m encouraging you to take that bold step to reach out to someone today. Please see below a few mental health resources/therapists online, in Barbados and in Jamaica.
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