I recently finished reading the book, The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis, and if I’m honest with you, after overcoming the hurdle of the old language format at times, it was definitely quite an eye-opening and soul searching read.
I thought I’d share some highlights from my reflections for this month’s lifestyle blog, as we are in the “month of love.”
Honestly speaking, growing up I had difficulty with making and maintaining relationships, maybe because I’m introverted with some social anxiety or maybe because I had developed an healthy anxious-avoidant attachment style over the years due to childhood trauma or maybe because many times I didn’t really understand what healthy love was supposed to look like. Can you relate?
However, in spite of my shortcomings, God has blessed me with some amazing friends and family all over the world, who I’ve grown to love so dearly and I’m learning how to love better each day.
So what did I learn from this book?
This book shined light not just on the types of love-that being Affection, Friendship, Eros and Charity-but on the true essence and definition of love.
C.S. Lewis laid the foundation for authentic (genuine) love quite beautifully and poetically in this my favourite quote, he says,
“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal…But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable.”
My friends love- that is, an unselfish desire for the well-being and best interest of another– is sacrificial, vulnerable and frankly risky. But is love worth the risk?
Divine love, God’s love is the most genuine love of all; it is Gift-love, focused solely on giving His best to His children. But human love many times becomes selfish as Need-love rather than sacrificial, because of our flawed nature. However at the end of the day, loving authentically must involve forgiving wholeheartedly in order for that love to thrive.
But what does love have to do your overall well-being? Why are relationships so crucial to a whole and healthy life? C.S. Lewis put it this way,
“We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves.”
Maybe you’ve considered yourself a loner all your life but my friend, we have all been created for community and for love. To discover our true self, we need others.
Many, who have had the chance to reflect on their death bed, say that the most important thing in life is not about the accomplishments and material possessions they collected but rather about the meaningful relationships that they had throughout their life. Healthy relationships don’t just provide emotional stability but also improve our mental health, reduce our risk for non-communicable diseases and promotes longevity.
But remember…
Relationships and love requires vulnerability and honesty, patience, kindness, understanding, forgiveness, humility, but also boundaries (N.B. these help you define what you are comfortable with and how you would like to be treated by others).
“Eros will have naked bodies; friendship naked personalities.” – C.S. Lewis.
We must also remember that all of us have difficult ways at times and make mistakes, so give yourself and others some grace.
“We are all receiving Charity (read 1 Corinthians 13). There is something in each of us that cannot be naturally loved. It is no one’s fault if they do not so love it.”- C.S. Lewis
You aren’t everyone’s cup of tea and vice versa some others will rub you the wrong way but God still loves us all unconditionally and we should love those around us unconditionally too. However, everyone will not be in your close circle of friends.
So, are you going to be more intentional about how you love this year and how you show up in your relationships? Let’s work towards having healthier relationships this year, with God, ourselves and others through loving authentically.
“Christ, who said to the disciples, ‘Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,’ can truly say to every group of Christian friends, ‘You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.’ The friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others. -C-S. Lewis
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