Dear reader,
I know I’ve been terribly quiet over here. It’s been months since I’ve shared anything from this platform because frankly I didn’t have the emotional, mental or physical energy to share from the place that I was in.
Disclaimer: this post is going to be a bit vulnerable and lengthy, but one that I hope you can relate to.
Have you ever gone through a “rough patch” in your life and even though friends and family would check in with you or pray for you or even send you encouraging words, you still felt LONELY? You just couldn’t shake that feeling at night lying in your bed at the end of the day, thinking that you still had to face the next day and go through whatever it was you were going through ALONE.
Now if you’re a Christian you might argue, “but you’re never alone when you have Jesus on your side,” and I would have to agree. However, loneliness and aloneness are two very different things.
Pinquart M, Sorensen defines loneliness as a distressing feeling that accompanies the perception that one’s social needs are not being met by the quantity or especially the quality of one’s social relationships. Basically, what this is saying is that you can still very much feel lonely even if you are surrounded by people who are not connecting with you at the level of love and understanding that you need.
Did you know that in 2017, data showed that 1 in 20 adults in the UK reported feeling lonely often or always? In total 45% adults reported feeling lonely occasionally, sometimes or often. Loneliness has of course worsened since the pandemic and in a study conducted by the Australian National University; they found 36% of persons complained of feeling lonely between May 2020 and January 2021. Loneliness and social isolation is a serious concern in our world because it can lead to health issues such as heart disease, stroke, depression and early onset dementia and even early death. Think about that.
———————————————————————-
Life Update
In the past few months my family has battled with Covid-19 twice, had to deal with the diagnosis of cancer in my mom while supporting her through emergency surgery and post-surgery complications, had to find money (aka get a loan) to buy a new car because I totaled the family car, and struggled financially as both my sister and I transitioned to new jobs. As people say “life has been lifing“… it’s been a rough season!
Now, if you’re anything like me, when you’re going through difficult circumstances you may tend to withdraw and isolate as a default in order to help you cope. Being far away from some of my closest friends and being an introvert makes this any easy default for me, even if it isn’t always healthy.
Honestly, I’ve truly appreciated every single person who has called, messaged, visited and sent tangible gifts to my family. The love and support have been little “life buoy rescue moments” when I felt like I was drowning. However, the struggle is still very real when you’re going through it and the only way to get through it is to go through it, but I know I’ll get to the other side, “one day at a time“. Can anyone relate?
Reasons You may Feel Lonely
Now, if you’ve ever struggled with depression or anxiety (whether it be GAD, panic disorder or PTSD) you probably also know the feeling of loneliness very well. When you’re expected to be happy and full of excitement for someone you care about but they just don’t understand that all you want to do is curl up in a ball on the floor and cry, or you can’t stop the unwelcome moments of panic that overwhelm you, it leaves you feeling lonely, unseen and misunderstood.
Also, if you’ve ever migrated to a new country, then you probably know how lonely those months or even years of transition can be, surrounded by a new culture with no real friends as yet. I know it’s tough!
What about those times when God deliberately calls us to a season of isolation to prepare us for the next season? Even Jesus went through this season when he fasted and prayed for 40 days in the wilderness. Priscilla Shirer expressed this thought well when she said, “A place of separation is also a place of preparation.” Speaking from experience, these moments are rough but worth it in the end!
So how do you get through these moments?
This may sound cliché but you take it one day, one moment, and one minute at a time. And you ask God to help you find your tribe (the people who take the time to understand and support you and vice versa).
How to walk through a season of loneliness:
- Don’t intentionally isolate yourself; still stay connected with a community e.g. a small group, church, or hobbies you used to enjoy (even if you don’t feel like it). God provided me with a bible study group filled with wonderful women of God who really blessed my life and I’m forever grateful for that.
- Intentionally reach out to and connect with those closest to you and that understand you best
- Find a support group that understands what you’re going through or reach out to a professional therapist
- Listen to encouraging content around the clock
- Get outside and do something that you love and that helps you feel connected to a bigger purpose
- Spend time in God’s presence daily; whether that may be worshiping, praying, journaling or just sitting in his presence, it’s a very rewarding practice.
Something I’ve realized these past few years of going through some of the most difficult seasons of my life is that some people are only there for you when it is convenient for them. You may feel like people really just don’t care but think about it this way, we are all imperfect human beings going through our own messy “ish” and maybe it’s not that people don’t want to be there for you but that they physically, mentally or emotionally don’t have the capacity to do so in that season. I’ve been there and it’s difficult feeling helpless when you want to be there for your loved ones more.
But rather than get bitter about people not being there for you, how about choosing to be that one, like Jesus, who would go out of their way for someone who feels forgotten or unseen. Let God lead you and give you the grace to be there for someone today.
Also, do remember that in those moments of loneliness, Jesus is the truest and best friend you could have and he’s always waiting with open arms to love on you. However, I do encourage you to get out there and be a part of a community because frankly, we need each other in this life.
This week I listened to a podcast episode by “Conversations with John and Lisa” called Cultivating Sacred Solitude and I thought it was a very timely and applicable conversation for this blog. Go check it out here.
God bless you friends.
Yours truly,
Star
References:
https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/the-facts-on-loneliness/
https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/australias-welfare/social-isolation-and-loneliness-covid-pandemic
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.